砂をかむBiting Sand

About this text

A middle-aged man humorously reflects on becoming a father for the first time and struggles with what his child should call him.

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Source

This text comes from Aozora Bunko (青空文庫), the volunteer-run library of Japanese writing that is out of copyright. See this work on Aozora Bunko

Base edition (底本): 「坂口安吾全集　15」筑摩書房
1999（平成11）年10月20日初版第1刷発行

Typed in by tatsuki. Proofread by noriko saito.

Yomimaru changed the spelling to modern kana and modern kanji, and replaced classical grammar and some archaic words with modern ones.

The furigana are Yomimaru's.

What you'll learn

The narrator, a first-time father at nearly 50, struggles with the embarrassment of being called 'father' and decides to use 'papa' and 'mama' instead, but this leads to confusion between him and his wife, and eventually his child also mixes up the terms, using both together.

Key vocabulary

戸惑とまどう	to be perplexed
てれくさい	embarrassing, awkward
ぞッとする	to shiver (with fear or disgust)
薄気味うすきみわるい	creepy, uncanny
あげく	after all; in the end

Grammar points you'll meet

• ～たて N3Indicates something has just been done or is fresh. Used with verbs in past tense.

  子供こどもの生うまれたては気きが滅入めいってこまったものであった。

• ～あげく N1After doing something (often with a negative result). Emphasizes the final outcome after a series of events.

  奴やつも自信じしんがなくなってしまって、私わたしをママとよんで様子ようすを見みたり、パパとよんで、すぐママと云いい直なおしてみたりのあげく、ちかごろでは私わたしと女房にょうぼうのどちらに話はなしかけるにもパパママと二にツつづけて云いうようになった。

• ～てしまう N4Expresses completion of an action, often with a nuance of regret or finality.

  自分じぶんのことをママと云ゆってしまったり、女房にょうぼうをパパと云ゆってしまったりで、混乱こんらんしてしまう。

• ～限り N2As long as; indicates a condition or limit. Often used with negative to mean 'unless'.

  子供こどもにお父とうさんなぞと呼よばれると、生いきてる限かぎりぞッとしなければならないような気持きもちで、

Cultural notes

• Japanese Parental TermsIn Japan, parents are traditionally called 'お父さん' (father) and 'お母さん' (mother), which are respectful. The author feels uncomfortable with these terms due to his age and adopts 'papa' and 'mama' to reduce the emotional weight.
• Becoming a Parent Later in LifeHaving a first child at age 50 is unusual in Japan, where traditionally people marry and have children younger. The author's embarrassment and confusion reflect societal expectations.

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